After months of research, learning, planning, preparation, consulting with online experts, systems-experimentation and systems-building, this week I happily launched the Bottom-line bookclub from my imagination into the real world… only to find that my well-researched system has a glitch. True to the hero’s saga storyline, nothing ever goes as planned in the real world, and the hero(ine!) must slay many dragons and monsters before her sacred quest can be completed. Some of you might already be familiar with Martha Beck’s model that she calls the “change cycle” – a model that’s given me endless wisdom, direction and encouragement as I’ve made major changes in the past 7 years since her book graced my life. Martha describes the change process as a four-phased model, with particular mental, emotional and practical challenges that we need to master in order to get the changes we want. Pop over and read about Martha’s change cycle over here, and meet me back here when you’re done.
Welcome back. So here I sit, in phase 3 – what Martha calls the “Re-forming” stage or the “Hero’s Saga” because of the theme of the stereotypical hero’s story. And I’m reminding myself of Martha’s tips and realising a few more lessons of my own about dealing with square 3’s challenges. If you’re pushing through square 3 and finding it rough-going, here are some strategies that I’m finding are really useful for keeping me in a resourceful state as I persevere:
Accept reality
As Byron Katie says, “when you argue with, reality always wins.” If find yourself thinking, “It’s not fair/ this shouldn’t have happened/ I wish it never happened/ why does this have to happen to me?” then you know you’re arguing with reality. Saying that something should be different to what it is is not going to change it, and this thought just causes unresourceful emotions that cut you off from your creativity, intuition and mental clarity, and gets you stuck.
Realise that there’s no such thing as failure – there’s only feedback.
Recognise that each time the thing you’re doing doesn’t work, you’ve got some more information that you can learn from, and you’re ruling out strategies that don’t work, so that means you’re getting closer to discovering what will work. You don’t have to do that extra part where you beat yourself up after viewing your results and finding they don’t meet up to your hopes and expectations. Instead of getting all judgmental on yourself, just cock your head, smile quietly to yourself and say, “How fascinating…” Beating yourself up puts you into an unresourceful state that shuts down your thinking and problem-solving abilities, while considering the situation from a state of acceptance, curiosity and humour will open up your thinking as you tackle the obstacle.
Be flexible
If you’re only willing to take one route to your destination, and an obstacle gets in the way, you could be stuck at that obstacle for a long time. On the other hand, if you’re willing to be flexible, you can create a bunch of alternative routes to your destination, and that way you can keep going forward. By the way, there will always be obstacles in square 3, so don’t take the obstacles as a sign that you’re off-track. The way you can know that you’re moving successfully through square 3 is when you’re at least dealing with new obstacles. If you’ve been dealing with the same obstacle for a while, you’re stuck, and you’re probably not being flexible enough. If it’s not working, try something different.
So as I slay this next dragon, I’m repeating Martha’s square 3 mantra to myself: “this is not going as planned… and that’s okay,” followed by my personal favourite square 3 mantra, “this is going to make a good story one day.”
What’s your hero’s saga, and what strategies are you using to sustain your resourcefulness as you persevere with your sacred quest?
Photo by Noelas
