I read Leo Babatua’s post this morning with great interest. Apparently Leo used the phrase “feel the fear and do it anyway(R)” in a recent post, and consequently received a letter from Susan Jeffers’ lawyer, stating that the phrase is Susan Jeffers’ trademark, and telling him to add the trademark symbol and a line of copy attributing the phrase to Susan Jeffers. Leo had not been referring to Susan’s book – in fact he’d never even heard of Susan’s book, and he feels quite strongly about making great ideas easily spread-able, so he’s refusing to comply with their requests.
A month or so ago, I posted about the way that fear always gets you more of what you don’t want. And looking at the comments on Zen Habits, Susan’s self-protective strategy isn’t working in her favour. I didn’t say it at the time, but my post last month was actually triggered when I got a similar letter from Susan’s lawyer, after I advertised a free teleclass discussion of her book. I complied with their requests to cancel the teleclass discussion, removed the advert from my website, and I ran a teleclass called “How to Grow Through Fear” instead. I tried to open up some discussion with Susan and her lawyer (and husband), but we couldn’t shift out of the deadlock. They invited me to consider getting trained as an official “Feel the Fear” facilitator, but were quick to inform me that, even as a trained Feel the Fear Facilitator, I still would not be allowed to use the title of the book in advertising my services, because of the trademark.
A bigger issue for me
A bigger issue for me though, when this happened was figuring out how to reconcile the message in Susan’s book with her behavior. Here was a world-renowned author who’s written a really great book on the topic of fear, and she seemed to be behaving in such a fear-filled way, contrary to much of the wisdom in her book. While it’s not a very well-structured book, I thought she made a few core distinctions around using and transforming your fear that were really unique and very powerful – ideas I’d love to help spread. One of the distinctions that made the most impact on me when I read the book was the following, in Chapter 10:
“If you see that your purpose in life is to give, then it’s almost impossible to be conned. If someone takes, they are simply fulfilling your life’s purpose, and they deserve your thanks.”
Clearly Susan isn’t applying this distinction to her own life right now. This apparent lack of integrity really bothered me at first and, as we all do when we feel affronted, I found myself getting out my BIG BOOK OF RULES, and reciting from it: “People must practice what they preach,” “You should take the plank of wood out of your own eye before you try to remove the speck of dust from someone else’s eye,” “You shouldn’t write a book about principles that you yourself don’t live,” “If your behavior contradicts your message then all of your message must be rubbish,” “And if your message is rubbish you shouldn’t be putting it out in the world.” And the more of my rules I recited, the more disappointed and angry I felt.
And then an uncomfortable thing happened. I realized that these rules would logically apply to me too. Oh, crap…
You see, the stuff that I’m most passionate about helping people with, the stuff I help people best with – that’s the stuff I’ve struggled with the most in my life. And, while I’ve worked on it a lot, and learned a lot along the way (which is what makes me so good at helping others with it), working with themes that connect with my old wounds sometimes re-opens old wounds I thought I’d healed long ago. You see, my mess is my message. And every so often I find myself sitting with my old stuff again, wondering, “Didn’t we already have this conversation?” And feeling like a total schmuck for publicly promoting myself as someone who helps others with those very issues. I’ve given myself a lot of stress and mental torture over the past years, telling myself that I have to be perfect, and holding myself back from being fully self-expressed and making my full contribution, in fear that I might mess up, or because I still have glitches in my own system.
What Susan taught me
Susan doesn’t know it, but my experience with her turned out to be a gift that has enabled me to scratch some of the heaviest and most fear-inducing rules from my rule book, take the brakes off and start committing more fully to making my contribution – even though I’m not perfect. I’ve decided that I can give up the rule “you must be perfect before you can make your contribution.” If I wait for perfection (which never comes!), I’ll never make my contribution, and that would be worse than giving my all to making my contribution and making a few mistakes along the way. And even if I do make mistakes along the way, I can still make a powerful contribution – just as Susan has. Her book has changed thousands of lives, even though she’s clearly still got some glitches to work on in her own mindset.
For me, there are really only two main mindsets in the world – fear and love. A fearful mindset is about trying to protect yourself and letting the risks hold you back in life. A loving mindset is all about being fully self-expressed, and making your contribution, in spite of the risks. Not pretending there are no risks, or holding back until you can be prepared for all of the risks – just getting out there and being fully self-expressed and making your contribution in spite of the risks. And nothing feels riskier than putting yourself out there and speaking your heart about wisdom that comes from your places of pain. Since the core of what I do is about helping people to live in love instead of fear, I wish I could say that I live my life from a love mindset all the time. But often I don’t. And when I don’t, I won’t beat myself up about it anymore and let that stop me from sharing with people about fear and love. I hope instead that I’ll use the opportunities to understand more and more about fear and love, and to further extend the contribution I can make.
So I’d like to thank and acknowledge Susan for the contribution that’s she’s made, in spite of the risks, and for the gift of our strange interaction. And I’d love to invite you to make a contribution to this discussion – what are your thoughts on leaders when they make mistakes? And what have you realized about the connection between your mess and your message?
Photo by Rastafabi
Thanks for taking the risk to write this post, Cath. I followed it from Leo’s, and I’m happy to see authors defend their right to use the English language, free of the pretense of copyright infringement, when such an intent is absent. I agree that Susan Jeffers is not living in line with her own professed principles of encouraging others to live their passion without fear when she tries to copyright a common phrase and force others to use her registered trademark symbol when using it! This fact alone will keep me from EVER reading any of her books or attending any of her seminars. She’s a hypocrite. In fact, I would like to urge you to remove the “R” symbol from the phrase in the first paragraph of your post. I know it’s a risk, but it actually counteracts your whole statement about not being suckered into her game.
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Yes, thank you, Cath, for sharing your experience and lessons learned from Susan Jeffers. I also happened here from Zen Habits.
I feel especially grateful to hear of your personal troubles regarding integrity. I can totally relate as I’ve been struggling with the same for about 10 months now.
Why? Two years ago I started a holistic health blog when I successfully stopped smoking and lost a pile of weight. Unfortunately, the issues I had thought I had dealt with in order to succeed with these health goals came back – I started smoking again!
Ever since, it’s been difficult for me to write on my blog, let alone continue to lead a healthy lifestyle otherwise! But like you, I’ve come to terms that I’m not perfect, that everyone struggles with unresolved issues.
If you’re curious, I’ve found out why we can say one thing and feel helpless do the opposite anyway – AND a program which promises to create integrity! http://www.livelighter.org/the-ultimate-self-improvement-tool/
Never give up! (is that a TM book title?)
Head Health Nut’s last blog post..How to Get a Healthier Family
Dear Cath,
I love this! Your integrity in following your path really shines through. Thank you so much for showing your struggle and your resolution of it. This process can help many people.
All the best to you,
Anna
Anna Paradox’s last blog post..Podcasts for writers
Quite ironic that someone who professes living without fear as pretty much her entire philosophy and reputation, has such a fear of other people using her title! Wow. Maybe she hasn’t quite worked through all those fears yet?
Do ya think?
I think it’s such a backwards strategy to try to keep people from using your ideas in their work. Hello! That’s how ideas spread! Say someone listened to your teleclass, they would obviously become more interested in her book! Right? I would think so. Wow… such antiquated thinking.
Ditto all!
Her books actually got me started on the path to growth (along with Wayne Dyer) and while I have great respect for her contribution, this is a bit of a disappointment.
Then again, she is human so let this be cautionary to all those who put people on pedestals. No one is immune to insecurity and fear
I actually find it preposterous that anyone can claim a sentence or words as their own. That’s like Paris Hilton trademarking “that’s hot” as if no one ever used that term before!
Was Susan the first one in the entire world to come up with that phrase? I read somewhere – there are NO original ideas. Really, everything we say and do has been said and done before.
The difference is in how we tell our own story.
People need to stop being so possessive about words. They don’t belong to any one person, they belong to us ALL. This world needs all of it, and all of us.
Coach T.I.A – Coaching You to Take Inspired Action!’s last blog post..7 Fun Ways to Manage your Vibe!
LOL at “my BIG BOOK OF RULES”.
You nailed it Cath – the pain is in what we believe, not the facts or circumstances. And this pain happens whether we KNOW those are our beliefs or not. We don’t always get to choose how our painful beliefs are exposed but you are clearly very far along this path of knowing how to process those opportunities.
And this title “Your Mess is Your Message” is brilliant. So well done. Thank you.
Laurie Foley’s last blog post..Little League Lessons for Entrepreneurs
Dear Cath,
Thank you for sharing your experience and lesson.
When it comes to integrity, I think it’s important to focus on our own growth rather than trying to make a contribution in the lives of others. Sure we can contribute, but if we make other people’s lives our focus, we will widen the gap between what we say and what we do.
Haider’s last blog post..Short Film: What Is That?
@Robin: thanks for your comments. I also felt strongly about the hypocrisy of someone who says or writes one thing, and then doesn’t appear to live it. But after some further thought, I realised this is impossible – there isn’t anyone who has never contradicted themselves. And all the wisdom in the world arrives and is shared through others just like you and me – and Susan, who are regular folks, just doing their best and messing up sometimes. It appears to be having an unfortunate impact on her reputation though, and I do think that the reality is that leaders have to be continuously working on their stuff if they want to remain the leaders, so hopefully she’ll see the light. I’m happy to leave the (R) in this post where I referred to her book, because I am actually referring to her book (unlike Leo, who was just using the phrase).
CathD
CathD’s last blog post..Your Mess is Your Message
@Head Health Nut: Thanks for sharing about your own personal struggles with integrity, and your passion for helping others to treat themselves and other with integrity. And I think these days, we’re educated enough to be suspicious of anyone who acts like their perfect, and we’re ready to embrace leaders who are real and honest about their own struggles – good on you!
@Anna Thanks for the affirmation
@Jonathan You’re so right. Chris Anderson has a book, called “free”, where he does a great job of explaining the new social and economic rules of this era, but Susan’s playing the old game. Maybe those self-protective strategies used to work, but they don’t work so well in our flat, technologically & globally connected empowered world. And I would enthusiastically have promoted her books in my teleclass. In spite of her behaviour, I still think she has some brilliant distinctions in her book.
@Coach TIA you’re spot on: “nobody is immune to insecurity & fear.” We actually have a “fear centre” in our brains, which many neurologists have fondly referred to as the “reptilian brain”, because it’s similar to the structure of a reptiles brain. We all have this part, which is concerned that we might not have enough, or that what we have might be taken away. We can’t switch it off altogether, but we can learn to tame it. Interestingly, Susan provides some great tools for taming your inner lizard in her book!
@Laurie – yeah, the BIG BOOK OF RULES keeps me really busy sometimes! Glad it gave you a giggle!
CathD
CathD’s last blog post..Your Mess is Your Message
@Haider: Sorry, missed your comment earlier! You make a good point that anyone in leadership (and I think we’re all in leadership, by the way!) needs to be continuously developing their own character.
I think it was John Maxwell who said that people buy into a leader’s character before they buy into the leader’s message or strategy. And if they don’t buy into the leader, they won’t buy into the leader’s message/ strategy, even if it’s a great message/ strategy. I think there’s a balance though, because one of the best ways for a leader to develop their character is by developing a sense of some positive contribution they can make to others’ lives – something that’s beyond and bigger than themselves. It’s a bit of both, really.
CathD
CathD’s last blog post..Your Mess is Your Message
I also believe that fear is one of the largest brakes we all have. Trying to be perfect before you begin anything will only lead to doing nothing, or at best, drastically less that you are capable of doing. Accepting that you are not perfect and that you will make mistakes makes life so much more liveable and success prone.
Thanks for reminding us all about this.
Lisa’s last blog post..Of Bikes and Bushes
It’s nice to see so many people talking about this. As internet writers should all be concerned how this turns out. Certainly we need trademarks, but we should voice our opinion about the lack of etiquette with which Ms Jeffers’ lawyer/husband handled this. Lawyers-first is just plain disrespectful.
Here’s my take: http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/get-up-stand-up/
My goal was to get as many people talking about it as possible; a cultural precedent could be set here that would affect all bloggers.
David Cain’s last blog post..Get Up, Stand Up
[...] when you stop believing in the illusion of failure, suddenly you open the possibility for your mess to be your message, and for all sorts of traumas in your life to metamorphose into treasures. And you can breathe out, [...]
Cath,
I found this post through the Martha Beck coaching forum. I love what you have to say and all of the comments offered by your readers.
Martha Beck asks us not to put her on a pedestal. However, I love the way that coaches are allowed to use all her info, as long as we credit her. I know she trusts a higher power to make things right.
My life coaching business is called “Create a New Season”. I’d love for anyone to direct people to my blog, etc. I would welcome the free publicity. The only protection that I would seek is the copyright to everything shared in a book, but I would be honored to be quoted. MA
Hi Maryann,
Thanks for stopping by, and glad you’re enjoying my blog and the wonderful peeps that hang out here
Hi all,
I also have difficulty to teach what I haven’t mastered yet, Cath’s and Health Nut’s remarks however reminded me of a quote – I think it’s from Richard Bach: “You often teach best, what you most need to learn.”
Mario
[...] wrote before about how your mess is your message. One of the ways a lot of people come to develop the interest, skill and passion that evolves into [...]
Beautiful I LOVE it.
Long ago I read two of Jeffers’ books. Her publications have been very influential in the self-help genre for several decades.
I completely disagree with her reaction to the Zen Habits blog’s use of “the phrase”, and I applaud Leo’s post about it. It upsets me that people can gain trademarks on things that belong to society collectively, like genes and plants and words. That is wrong and scary. Jeffers was completely wrong to order him to put the trademark symbol and other legal stuff in his original post using “the phrase”. Good for him for refusing to do it.
However –
I guess that if your husband is a lawyer as Jeffers is (which I think I’ve gleaned correctly from the post here?), you might be used to a more litigious view of life than otherwise might be the case.
Also, I have some sympathy for the fact that Jeffers must be a senior citizen by now, and the world has changed so much in the last generation. The internet has broken down so many procedures and systems, and it moves very fast and seems so uncontrollable, perhaps even threatening. I know that I’ve lost touch with quite a few technologies in the last few years (I’m entering early middle-age) and now things are changing very fast even for me (I’ve always been a quick learner, and my generation was the first that had the use of computers in college – though we’re talking a couple of computer labs for the entire campus; no one had their own desktops; and there weren’t any laptops yet. Yes, we had only typewriters in high school! I only had a manual typewriter all through high school. You can’t imagine what that was like. Carbon paper and 3 colors of messy, goopy correction fluid. Ribbons and ink! The stone age, ha ha.)
Also, I suppose that the income from Jeffers’ works probably contributes a lot to their security in their golden years, and as a couple they are likely to be trigger-happy about what seems to them to be unremunerated use of her ideas and excerpts from her books.
I’ll be honest here, and I don’t mean to criticize because I am totally unfamiliar with this site and Cath (it’s my first time visiting here, I came via a search engine because I was trying to find something about Martha Beck and this site was in the search results because of an unrelated use of a phrase, but actually doesn’t have what I was looking for in relation to Beck), but when I was looking around on this site to see what it was about and found the page for the “Bottom-line Bookclub” and was trying to figure out what it was (this was before I read this current thread about Jeffers), I thought to myself how the “Bookclub” was piggy-backing on others’ published ideas, repackaging them, breaking them down, teaching them, sort of usurping them… obviously for helpful, well-intentioned reasons, as well as to profit from them, and surely doing what a teacher or a coach might do during in-person classes. I actually wondered how hard it was for Cath to get legal permission to use the books’ images, contents, etc. for her for-profit materials of this bookclub. …I know how hard it’s become in recent years to get permission to use parts of publications (quotations, charts, photos, photocopied excerpts) for legitimate, non-profit university teaching in the UK.
I also wondered how easy it was for Cath to get an interview with the authors themselves to promote her own products (her digested presentation of their work) that she is profiting from, and why the authors themselves would agree to that (several reasons are pretty clear to me) or not agree to that (ditto). I wondered what I would say to doing a free interview, if I were an author of such a book, and how I’d feel about my book being taken apart, summarized, re-presented, coached on, profited from in this unique way, etc. It was only something I mulled briefly, since I don’t have such a book and it’s not something I’m that concerned about. But I did have those thoughts, and being in the generation between Cath’s young, very internet-savvy, free-wheeling, heavy-emphasis-on-sharing generation and the much more staid, legalistic, privacy-oriented generation of my parents/grandparents (which I’d guess Jeffers is in), I could see both sides. Honestly, I don’t think I’d want a book of mine to feature in such a “bookclub” as the information behind one of the products, even though I know the logic behind the book _Free_ and so on.
That’s not to be negative or down on Cath’s entrepreneurial spirit or coaching style! But I can maybe get a little bit of what Jeffers might be thinking on this score.
That’s why I found it particularly impressive that Cath was exercising a lot more empathy and understanding in her post about this whole thing, above, than I would have expected of anyone in her situation. Granted, the tone of the post was a bit patronizing towards Jeffers, but I understand the underlying frustration that must have been felt about the situation, especially as compared to the attitudes of the younger authors showcased in the bookclub who probably were on board with this idea from the start.
Well this whole thing was a long time ago now, so I’m not sure why I’m rattling on here anyway.