One of the serious benefits of doing the work I do is that I get to witness people’s stories. I get to see and hear their process of visioning, struggling, reviewing, refining, questioning, doubting themselves, dealing with their fears, and making sense of it all along the way. Which means I learn loads through them. So I guess you could say that I’ve gained a lot of life experience vicariously, through my clients. And I’m super-grateful for the ways that has enriched my life, not just my coaching practice.
So I got to thinking the other day, “Wouldn’t it be cool if I could share these experiences with other people – so they could also learn vicariously?!” And so I’m going to be peppering this blog with true stories of everyday heroes and heroines who are dealing with their own resistance, showing up, expressing themselves and making their contribution, in spite of their fears. If you know people you think should be featured, drop me an email – I’d love to hear their story.
Meet Alta Robert
I first met Alta when I began consulting to a call centre in Cape Town a few years back. Alta was working in the call centre and we had a series of life coaching sessions together to help her address her chronic depression. I could tell right from the start that Alta was way too bright and creative to be doing the job she was doing, and I think she was keenly aware of that herself, and could see that a large part of her depression was probably a result of feeling that she was in the wrong life, and her frustration that she wasn’t doing things she loved and was good at, like writing. The irony was that her frustration with herself and her depression muddled up her mind and wore down her motivation so much that she struggled to write, even though all she wanted to do was write. She was stuck! Alta and I talked a lot about beliefs and the stories we’re telling ourselves, and how that shapes your thinking, and we worked on creating new conversations with herself, rather than fighting herself. She made some great headway into getting into writing and taking the first small steps towards getting published. Well, the other day (18 months later), I got an email from Alta, with the proud news that a publisher had chosen to publish her work. Woo hoo!
I’ll let Alta tell you the rest:
“What if I write a book and it is a blockbuster? They’ll ask me to do another one and what if I don’t have another story? They’ll think I’m a fraud.
How can I be so forward?
Of course I can’t. I’m just imagining that I can.”
For many years that was my thinking. I was so negative – especially about myself. I thought I was positive. It was only once I started realizing how negative I was, that I also realized how much of that thinking was generated by one of our greatest enemies – fear.
Fear is the one enemy nobody should keep close. Be aware of it in order to spot danger, but not to decide the course of your life. The choices you make, dictate the life you lead – you cannot go to the bank and expect to buy postage stamps. If you think that maybe you can and the little voice starts to tell you you’re lying to yourself, test the little voice. Slip a foot into the door by entering an appropriate course at a college, just to see what happens. Or apply for that dream job – just to see what happens. Just take a small bite. It is fairly easy to con your fears that way.
I spent my life wondering if I can be a writer, but fear caused every attempt to come to nothing. When my self-esteem started improving, I slipped a foot in the door by signing up for a creative writing correspondence course. I received great feedback, but the little voice was stubborn. It made me doubt the feedback and caused the rest of my life to interfere. When that happens you have a choice to make – either give up or decide that enough is enough, I am doing this anyway. I chose to do it anyway and at the same time get feedback I can really trust from other people who have already done it. It is really important to surround yourself with people who have already done what you want to do! And listen to them. Learn from them.
Collect a reminder of every positive thing connected with your dream and keep it where you can refer to it – like a scrapbook. When the fear pipes up and it tells you that you are talking nonsense and you cannot do that thing, you take out the mementos and feedback to remind yourself of what you have already done and what others told you.
Do the whole thing little by little. By the time you reach success, your mind will believe and the fearful little voice while be quiet. One day you will find the process is automatic and the fear is no longer an issue.
My first book is at the publisher and they want to publish it. The door is open and the fear is gone. My new life is underway.
Cath: Alta has already started writing her next book! Alta, thank you for inspiring us – you rock!
If any of you have a story you’d like to share, about how you’ve gone ahead with some important project or contribution – in spite of your fears, then drop me an email. You don’t have to have worked with me – I’d just love for us to inspire each other with these sorts of stories of everyday (s)heroes doing their thing.
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