We’ve all come across those rah-rah seminars where the motivational speaker excites the crowd and gets everyone to “build a power state” by jumping up and down and shouting a song or mantra loudly. I’ve always found that sort of thing a bit disturbing. And as a life coach, it bothers me that some people think that’s what I do for a living, and that life coaches are just about cheering people on to go after their dreams: “Yes, you can!” I call that cheer-leader coaching and I don’t offer that service.

There are a lot of powerful techniques available for pumping up your confidence, but I’m a big believer in the idea that confidence and competence should be developed in equal amounts, to avoid becoming the vessel that’s all sail and no rudder.

The following exercise is a shortened version of a process I’ve found useful for developing authentic confidence. (You can download the recording from a teleclass called, “How to Grow Through Fear,” where I used this process). So grab a pen and start coaching yourself!

Coach Yourself to Authentic Confidence

• Start by choosing a fear that you’d like to work on – something you want to feel calmer and more confident about.
• Now ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen if things didn’t work out as I’d like? What’s the worst case scenario that I’m afraid of?” And write that down. Write down all those crazy catastrophizing thoughts you’ve had rattling around in the back of your mind. And once you’ve written those down, ask yourself a few times, “And why would that be a terrible outcome? What would happen then?”
• Now ask yourself, “Have I got the resources to deal with this situation?” It doesn’t matter whether you answer yes or no. Just give yourself an honest answer.
• Now ask yourself, “What are some difficult situations that I’ve survived?” And what resources did I use to survive those situations?
• And then ask yourself, “Who do I know who’s survived my worst-case scenario or worse?” It can be people you know well or someone you have just heard of. What resources did they use to get through those situations?
• And then ask yourself, “Are there any resources I feel I’m still needing to develop more of, in order to feel confident and healthy fear, instead of stress? If so, what resources do you have, to help you access or develop those resources you feel you still need?
• Knowing that you have all the resources you need – and certainly all the resources to access or develop the resources you need, what’s the next step you’d like to take towards doing that thing you were fearing?

What’s it like now, when you hold these resources in mind and you think of that situation that you had been fearing? How’s it different now?

Photo by csb13

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