This post is part of my “Real Life (S)heroes” series, where I introduce you to awesome real-life, everyday heroes and sheroes who have inspired me by living large, being fully self-expressed, and making a meaningful contribution, in spite of the risks – this is what Agile Living is all about! I’m sharing these stories with you because one of the biggest sources of stuckness that I come across is when people hit up against a fear and then get stuck in their fears because they’re beating up on themselves for having those fears.
I have the good fortune of hearing about people’s fears from people of all walks of life, and one of the most powerful things that’s done for me has been that I’ve been able to see how “what’s most personal is most general” – in other words, we all basically struggle with the same stuff. And recognizing that can help you to stop judging and fighting your own fears, and invest your energy in moving your “thing” forward instead.
Renate is a well-traveled, adventurous and big-hearted South African woman who I had the pleasure of accompanying on her recent “inner” journeys last year. It always gives me a serious hit when people I’ve worked with burst open on the other side of the “death & rebirth” and “dreaming & scheming” phases, and start to experience the rewards of all their self-coaching. I’ll let Renate tell you her story…
Renate Liev
What a debilitating infliction of the mind: my 2 biggest fears, failure & not being good enough artistically.
I come from a family of arty kin, from music to painting to drama. From a young age I would draw, write poetry, an attempt at a tacky Mills and Boon novel at 14 and painting. I always knew this was my calling but coming from a family of creatives, there was always a lot of pressure to be great and because of my fear of failure, it was exaggerated – I was not lending myself a helping hand either by being my worst critic. Friends and family were always so proud of me and what I’ve achieved, making failure that much worse for me.
I spent a lot of my life allowing the outside world to dictate my talent, always fearing that if I really put my mind to it, that I could actually be great, but this would mean I would have to produce great work and there would be no space for failure.
The divorce part of my journey left me questioning a lot of inner demons. I thought that if I got divorced that I would be an absolute failure. The truth is I was a failure to myself staying in the marriage. It was the hardest decision I’ve had to make. Taking a huge leap into the unknown with financial constraints but a longing to be financially independent. I decided that art was not really for me, nor graphics. But I still was so creative and I wondered what outlet I could find for my talent. I decided to do a creative Photography course, spent money I didn’t have on equipment and went for it. What I found was amazing – I was actually really good at it!
I still had the fear of not being good enough and was still listening to outside influences until one fundamental day.
I was doing a project and got so fed up listening to all the things that the lecturer had taught us that, in a crazy moment, I just started setting up a composition. What transpired amazed me! I just listened to my own creative mind and it was the most liberating feeling. Needless to say, the project turned out a phenomenal success.
Following this experience, I went to get a gypsy and a north-facing compass tattooed on my thigh to always remind me of this moment. I look at it all the time and it keeps me motivated to carry on. I’ve since started Renate Live Photography, it’s the most amazing thing I’ve done and the funny thing is it’s roaring ahead. I’ve landed a few good jobs and it keeps growing. I’ve found the one thing that I absolutely love doing and I get paid for it.
On the days I fear that it will fail, I look at my tattoo, and my pictures I’ve put up on my wall to remind me of the things I want, and the support from my friends and family pushes me forward.
I’m making peace with the fact that it’s okay to fail now and again, and that with every fall, the rewards just keep getting better.
I’ve now learned to use my fear as a tool to keep moving forward and push harder, instead of allowing it to overcome me. I say my mantras everyday and talk about my fears with friends.
Thank you for sharing your ups and downs and up-agains, Renate!
You can find Renate at www.renate-photo.co.za and her deeee-vine and very classy boudoir photography service, where she’ll capture your inner and outer goddess-hood, is at www.photoboudoir.co.za
If you’d like to transform some of your fears that have been holding you back from doing that thing you’ve been wanting to do, then drop me an email to book a time for a 30min FREE consultation session and I’d be happy to chat with you about the changes you’d like to make, and how I would work with you through those specific changes. I’ve also adjusted the pricing on my Resource Mining sessions and you can now get 6 sessions of Resource Mining for just £397 for the next month – so drop me an email if you’d like to chat about how you can use Resource Mining Sessions.
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[...] I’m sharing these stories with you because one of the biggest sources of stuckness that I come across is when people hit up against a fear and then get stuck in their fears because they’re beating up on themselves for having those fears … […..