Real Life (s)Heroes – Sean Lance

This post is part of my “Real Life (S)heroes” series, where I introduce you to awesome real-life, everyday heroes and sheroes who have inspired me by living large, being fully self-expressed, and making a meaningful contribution, in spite of the risks – this is what Agile Living is all about! I’m sharing these stories with you because one of the biggest sources of stuckness that I come across is when people hit up against a fear and then get stuck in their fears because they’re beating up on themselves for having those fears.

I have the good fortune of hearing about people’s fears from people of all walks of life, and one of the most powerful things that’s done for me has been that I’ve been able to see how “what’s most personal is most general” – in other words, we all basically struggle with the same stuff. And recognizing that can help you to stop judging and fighting your own fears, and invest your energy in moving your “thing” forward instead.

I met Sean Lance when he commented on my blog a few months back, and I was amazed by his story of recovering after a very serious car accident. He’s not really an “everyday hero” – he’s more like an exceptional hero. I’ll let him tell his story so you can be inspired:

Sean, you shared your heroic story on my blog, and I was really inspired. For our readers who missed that, could you tell your story again…

On January 6, 2004 I was in a near fatal car accident the result of which was a traumatic brain injury (TBI).  I was in coma for 6 weeks at the University of Maryland Shock Trauma center in Baltimore, MD. Then I was in rehabilitation at Kernan (I think).

After emerging from the coma I had to relearn most things that we take for granted in our daily lives.  My leg had suffered a compound fracture and had to be rebuilt and eased back into shape to be able to support me and relearning to walking.  In addition I had to relearn the basic tasks of everyday living such as making food, cleaning myself, and how to do laundry.

Unfortunately (or fortunately as many see it) I do not remember any of this. I have a period of amnesia from approximately November 2003 through late March 2004. All of this information about my accident and the initial recovery is second hand. There are some memory flashes from that time, but nothing definite. Another difficulty is that the time before the accident, 2003 specifically, is hit and miss memory wise. I remember some things quite precisely, but I have no idea when it occurred.

The best way to describe it would be to liken it to waking the morning after a long night out.  You are achey and groggy.  Your reflexes, both physically and mentally, are slower and clumsy.  It’s similar to that, but spread out over a much longer period of time.  I was on Social Security Disability for five years afterwords!

You’ve had to relearn eating, talking, walking, etc What are your views on the ability of our brains to change or create new neural pathways throughout our lives?

Through my experiences I have become convinced that the human brain is truly the masterpiece of the natural world.  Our remarkable blob of gray matter can repair itself and form new neural pathways around damaged parts to be able to reach the same mental destinations with new paths.  The human mind is an infinitely malleable tool that can be honed and sharpened.

My process of recovery from a TBI is an example of this. They would put a hairbrush in my hand and ask me what this was and what I would do with it. Initially I would just look at it in my hand as if it were an alien artifact, with no clue what it was used for. They would explain what it was and show me. The next day the whole process was repeated and eventually my brain was able to make the connections between the object in my hand and “brush” in my brain and what it was used for. This was how it worked with almost everything in daily life, as I re-learned it all.

The past 5 years must have been a long, hard road – how have you kept motivated and focused on your learning and your goals?

I was lucky in that I had the help, support, and love of my family and friends through out the whole ordeal.  My mother took the entire spring semester off of her job teaching at a community college in North Carolina so that she could be with me in Maryland.  She stayed at my aunt & uncle’s while I was in the hospital.  While in the hospital several of my friends visited from North Carolina, from where I had just moved.  There was even a friend that visited from Ohio. My cousin, Elizabeth, and her friends would come in almost every day and talk with me and bring in favorite C.D.’s for me to listen to. This amount of stimulation is what really helped my brain make all of the necessary reconnections. There are so many people to thank that I wouldn’t have room here to do them all justice for all they have done for me.

The hospital even recommended institutionalization (a nursing home) – but my mother would not have it and checked me out of the hospital.  I moved with her to North Carolina. 
The key here is that I had support from those that cared for me.  They knew me and loved me and wanted to see me recover.

People ask me all of the time if I ever get depressed with what happened and where I was in my life.  My response to them has been how could I be upset about something that I don’t even remember?  It is easy to get bogged down and lose motivation when all you think about is how terrible you have it, and get stuck on the why’s of these things.  I realize that it was bad and that I have had (and still have) many issues resulting from the accident.  But if I let that get to me and drag me down, then I have given up on myself.  And if I was to give up on myself, I would be giving up on and letting down those that love me and have helped me.  It’s difficult to move forward if you are constantly looking back.

What’s your view on the idea of “the flipside” – the idea that traumas and difficulties all have hidden treasures in them?

The “flipside” of all of this is that I love my life.  My life at this moment is the result of every choice, action, and accident that I have ever had. I wouldn’t be here right now typing this, living with my wife (to whom I was married in 2007), and our dog in our home if things had not happened as they had in my life.

Should I be happy about this traumatic event then? As I stated earlier I don’t remember it. A hidden treasure, as I see it, is that I truly appreciate life and all of it’s intricate simplicities now. That’s not to say that I didn’t beforehand. Rather, it’s that now every day that I actually wake up is a good day. Each day I begin with a victory! This was more emotionally tragic for those connected to me than it was for me. That’s the part that I feel bad about. I feel terrible that it affected so many people in such a hard way.

What have you learned from this experience?

At the risk of sounding cliché, I’ve learned that life it short! Do not take anything for granted for it can all disappear at the drop of a hat, or the crunch of the car. I tell my wife everyday that I love her, and my mother the same every time we talk. I have stopped waiting and started living!

What’s the core message you’d like people to gain, from hearing your story?

Don’t give up. I thought that I was forever going to be completely disabled, and that was it. Luckily I had the help and encouragement of my family, and especially my wife,  pushing me and not giving up on me.  My wife has only known me post-accident and would not let me remain a victim. We’ve talked about it and realized that we might not have even gotten along if we had met before the accident!

Cath: Thanks so much for sharing your inspiring story, Sean. (That’s Sean, his wife and their dog in the pic – don’t they look like such a blissful family!?) Sean blogs regularly about productivity, motivation and personal development at www.simpleproductivity.com and you can follow him on Twitter.

If you enjoyed this post, you might like to subscribe to this blog’s RSS feed or hang out with me on Twitter. All commenters on this blog are entered into a monthly draw to stand a chance to win a 60min Resource Mining Session. The draw takes place at the end of each month.