On Thursday I wrote Part 1 of “How to Make Mistakes Well, where I emphasized how you can change the way you THINK about mistakes and failures, in order to get better results (and not feel so crap). Part 2 is about how you can respond to mistakes and failure, with the emphasis on action. If you didn’t read part 1 yet, then go back and start there, because these actions will be hard to follow through on if you haven’t changed the way you think about failure and success.

Once you’ve realized that failure and success are made-up notions and that you can change the meaning you make of the information you’re presented with in order to feel and think better and to create more options for yourself, it’s time for action. If you stop after reframing success and failure, you’ll just be left feeling better but you’re not going to improve your tangible results. Here’s how to take action to improve your tangible results when you’re faced with mistakes and failure:

Stay flexible and do something different

Every time you don’t get the results you wanted, you’ll have more information about what doesn’t work. So with each “failure,” you become more experienced and knowledgable. The temptation can be to think that there was only one route to your outcome and you failed at it, but successful people recognize that there are always more options for ways to get to your results – even if you aren’t consciously aware of them yet. So sit down and brainstorm other ways you could move towards the results you want, and then choose another strategy and do that. Then watch with curiosity and notice your results, and keep adjusting your strategy until you’ve created the results you want. I call this process Agile Momentum because it’s a process of staying flexible and continuously adjusting, gradually creating momentum and getting to the results you want.

Adjust your deadline

I always find that as soon as we start talking about timelines/ deadlines, the tension builds up, and some of my clients start getting uneasy. I’ve even worked with people who have been anti- goal-setting altogether because of the notion that goals with deadlines set up the opportunity for failure and disappointment. As far as I’m concerned, the timeline or deadline is only there to create the illusion of urgency, because that can be motivating. It’s not there to beat yourself with! In fact, I’ve heard it said that you can only fail at something if you’re inflexible about your deadline (anyone know the quote reference? I have a feeling it might be Richard Bandler). So, if you’re not where you wanted to be, rather than calling yourself a failure, just adjust your timeline and give yourself more time to get there. The first timeline was just made-up anyway…

Stop the guilt and self-blame

A big part of handling mistakes and failure well is giving up the desire to judge, blame and criticize. When you judge, blame and criticize yourself, you elicit your stress response which creates an unresourceful thinking state. And it has the same effect on other people when you do it to them. You’ll think better, recover more quickly and easily and come up with much better solutions when you’re not doing the judging, blaming, criticizing thing and you’re letting yourself feel good instead. So notice your self-talk and use the mental reframing techniques in part 1 to change the meaning you’re making so that it’s neutral or positive and preserves the quality of your thinking.

Drop the back-row critics

Related to that, have a look at the people you hang out with and the degree to which they tend to be judgmental, blaming and critical. We’re a tribal species and part of the process of bonding results in us becoming more like the people we hang out with. Pay particular attention to identifying and avoiding back-row critics.

Back-row critics are the people who like to stand from a distance, where they can be anonymous and don’t have to participate or risk anything themselves, and then criticize everyone else in front of them who’s closer to the action. Of course, from the back row, where you’re under no pressure, you don’t have to deal with the “fog of war” that the people upfront in the spotlight and the middle of the action do. And it’s much easier to see what’s working and not working when you only have to watch and aren’t required to actually plan and execute any action or responses. It’s also much easier to forget how much harder it is to do something than to talk about it. Back-row critics often fool people into thinking they’re smart, competent and experienced because they can talk the talk, but they spend little time actually using or applying their knowledge and the wheels would totally come off if they were ever required to do so. Which is why they hang out in the back row – they’re too paralyzed by their own criteria for perfection and their fear of failure to take the risk of showing up, being seen and making a contribution. Avoid these people like the plague – they’re dream-stealers and they’ll squash your spirit and paralyze you with fear if you get into their way of thinking.

Those are a couple of my ideas on the sort of behaviour that’ll help you to respond well to mistakes and failure and even turn them into serendipitous events. I’m sure there’s plenty more… I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Photo by acordova

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