In the previous post I started sharing about some of the powerful life skills and lessons I’ve been gleaning from impro story-telling. Impro is a form of theatre where the story is made up by the team of actors as they act it out. Nobody knows where the story will go, because they’re creating it together on the spot, often in collaboration with the audience. The context of uncertainty that’s created within the impro games and story-telling sessions is in many ways similar to the fast-paced, high-change, unpredictable environments that many of us are living and working in these days, so I’ve found a lot of the impro perspectives and skills are highly relevant to thriving in this era.

Are you saying yes or no?

You’re probably all familiar with Jim Carey’s movie, “Yes Man,” about a risk-averse, conservative, stuck in a rut, bored and lonely guy who’s challenged to say “yes” to every offer or opportunity extended to him. He takes up the challenge and it dramatically changes his life. It’s an inspiring film that got a lot of people thinking about “seizing the day” and all that good stuff. And I’m sure you’ve also reflected on the way that there’s always someone in the team at work who’s a nay-sayer, critic and pessimist. They’re the guy (or girl) who kills every new idea that the team comes up with by pointing out all the reasons why it won’t work, or the person who digs their heals in and resists just to feel they’re in control. Or the person who is effective and productive as an individual but terrible in a team because they always have to take credit for the results and they never acknowledge or build on the stuff that the rest of the team do – it’s as if they’re working alone even when they’re in a team. You’ve probably also come across these people in your personal life – they’re the ones who are planning the next thing they’re going to say while they “listen” to you, and often steer the conversation away from talking about you and onto talking about themselves. Sound familiar?

“No, but…”

It’s no new idea that negativity shuts down creativity and puts a damper on relationships and team dynamics, yet some people still act as blockers, habitually responding to offers and opportunities with, “No, but…” When you’re in a stable environment where you have time to deeply analyze decisions and where the consequences of decisions are very serious, this might have it’s place, but most of the time when we’re “no, but-ing” we’re stalling ourselves and others, wearing away at relationships, and missing opportunities as the world carries on while we nit-pick and proclaim our criticisms from our soap box.

I’ve written before about Back-Row Critics who hang out in the back row where it’s safe and watch and criticise from a distance that preserves their anonymity. Back-Row Critics are “no, but-ers” – they can always find fault and because they’re so busy finding fault in what others are doing, at best they hold themselves back and never make their own contribution, and at worst they hold others back too. “No, but-ers” will never thrive in this era, because this is the era where it’s no longer enough to be cautious and clever, and action and application trumps knowledge.

“Yes, and…”

So, rather than being someone who says, “no, but…” be someone who responds with, “yes, and…” When others make an offer or share their contribution, be ready to respond with a “yes, and…” Acknowledge and accept their offer and contribution, deeply consider what you can learn from it and how you can integrate it into your world view, and then build on it. This is the attitude of a successful collaborator, and it’s the successful collaborators who’ll thrive in this era.

And don’t just stop there. You can say, “yes, and…” to life itself. A lot of our pain is created unnecessarily when we resist reality. Something “bad” happens or things don’t go the way we want and then we resist it by complaining about it, denying it, saying it “shouldn’t” be that way, or trying to force it to change. In these turbulent times, we’re all being faced with hard stuff happening in some way or another, and saying, “No, but…” to life is futile and only increases your pain. Start saying, “yes, and…” and accepting reality as it is, and building on that. Become a co-creator with life itself.

“There are people who prefer to say “yes,” and there are people who prefer to say “no.” Those who say “yes” are rewarded  by the adventures they have, and those who say “no” are rewarded by the safety they attain.” – Keith Johnstone, Author of Impro

Try it out this week, and let us know in the comments below: What happens when you start saying, “yes, and…” to others and to life itself?

19 August: Teleseminar, “How to Change Easily & Effortlessly”

I’m thrilled to be interviewing one of my biggest teachers in the field of NLP – Jamie Smart from Salad Ltd. We’re going to talk about change – what gets in the way of making your changes, dealing with internal resistance, understanding the roles of the conscious and unconscious minds in change, and we’ll cover some tools and tactics you can apply to be able to get more comfortable with change, and change more easily and effortlessly… and to live a more Agile life.

So if there’s anything you want to change in your life, have a high-change traveling lifestyle, or if you’re a leader or change catalyst, or if you work in a high-change environment, make sure you join this call! Click here for details.

Photo by Dave Spilbrow

If you enjoyed this post, you might like to subscribe to this blog’s RSS feed or hang out with me on Twitter.

Tweet This Post